Judgment Closes Doors—Curiosity Opens Them

I used to think I was being helpful when I jumped to conclusions—especially about myself.
If I could just figure out what I did wrong, then maybe I could fix it faster. Maybe I could be better. A better mom. A better coach. A better human.

But here's what I’ve learned: judgment doesn’t actually make things better. It makes them heavier.

And when judgment enters the room, curiosity quietly slips out the back door.

Let me explain.

Imagine you’re watching your child throw a tantrum in the grocery store (we’ve all been there).
Your immediate thought might be: Ugh, I should have left them at home. Everyone’s staring. I’m a terrible mom.

That’s judgment - It’s fast, harsh, and rooted in shame.

But what happens if you take a breath and get curious instead?

I wonder what set them off? Did we skip snack time? Is this about the toy—or something deeper?
Suddenly, you’re in detective mode instead of defense mode. And that shift matters.

Curiosity is spacious. Judgment is rigid.

Judgment slams the door shut.
Curiosity opens a window.

Judgment says, you’re doing it wrong.
Curiosity asks, what’s going on here?

You can’t hold both at the same time—because they live in completely different parts of your nervous system. One triggers survival; the other invites safety.

This applies not just to parenting, but to everything. Your emotions. Your healing journey. Your relationships. Your past.

Here’s a real-life example:

A client once said to me, “I’m just lazy. That’s why I can’t get anything done.”
That was her judgment talking.

But when we explored that same sentence with curiosity, it sounded more like:
“What’s keeping me from taking action right now? Am I tired? Burned out? Scared of what happens if I succeed?”

That shift unlocked everything.

When she got curious, she stopped fighting herself—and started understanding herself.

So what if we practiced this?

Next time you hear that inner critic whisper something sharp, try asking:

• What else could be true?

• What’s really going on under the surface?

• How would I talk to my child or best friend in this moment?

You don’t have to be perfect at it (thank goodness). You just have to notice when you’re judging—and gently pivot to wonder.

Because here’s the truth:
Curiosity leads to compassion.
And compassion is where peace lives.