I recently had a conversation with a wonderful woman named Marnie Madres about identities as moms. I used to think that when you became a mom, when they hand you the baby you carried around for nine months, your identity changes from who you were to this new person who is a mom. But inside this conversation, it opened my eyes to the fact that it starts way sooner (you can listen to the podcast here).
I almost titled this blog “Have you forgotten your identity?” but then I literally heard James Earl Jones’ voice as Mufasa say “Remember who you are.” Anyone else’s favorite move? Moving on…
When do we start losing our identity? I mean, one could argue that that moment we are born female, there’s an expectation that we will one day become a mom. I think I’ve heard Jennifer Aniston speak about this.
But Marnie and I talked about that it starts the moment you’re pregnant. When you start telling people you’re pregnant, most people don’t ask how you are doing anymore, they usually ask about the pregnancy.
I used to think I was one of the lucky people who didn’t have my identity wrapped up in being a mom. And I wasn’t completely wrong. My identity wasn’t completely wrapped up in motherhood; it was more accurate to say my identity was wrapped up in my role as wife and mother. When the wife role was removed, I also started feeling like a bad mom.
I’ve talked to many mothers lately that have a similar experience. Some became moms so early in life that they never had a chance to figure out who they were outside of being a mom and that makes it all the more difficult to figure it out.
I think the problem in our society is “knowing ourselves” isn’t really a priority. Personal development and self-improvement seems to only be valued by entrepreneurial types and pre-covid, there were a lot fewer moms entering that world.
If you’re reading this, at minimum, you have started toe dipping into the world of personal development. And if that is you, welcome! It’s not always a comfortable journey but it is always worth it.
If you know you are doing more than just toe dipping and you know that you need more help in self-discover, I have a few questions for you to ask yourself that I bored from Healthline (you can read the full article here):
· Do you say yes to make others happy?
· What are your strengths?
· What brings me happiness? (Hint: Do more of this!)
· What are my values? Do I live accordingly?
· Do my choices reflect my own interests or someone else’s?
This is a huge topic and such an important thing to spend your life one. Losing your identity as a mom or never really feeling you had one to begin with is more common than you know and probably one of the biggest problems we face.
If you’re looking for support, jump on a free call with me here. If you’re looking to join a supportive community of Facebook moms, feel free to join my group, Moms Conquering Guilt. I am passionate about helping busy moms determined to enjoy every day, love on their kids more, and feel freedom in their life. Don’t settle for the status quo; you deserve so much more.
Until next time,
Mom Support Coach
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