I love feedback. I’ve been getting feedback on my writing since I started sharing it with people. I used to live for the comments I’d receive from those that read my stories and although it was mostly positive, I always saw the “negative” feedback as that. Feedback. A way to make my writing better.

One of my very first blogs I write in 2020 was called Are you taking feedback as criticism? Sadly, I can’t link to it because it was erased when revamped my site. It that blog, I dissected this idea of taking feedback as criticism.

We, as a society, have an unhealthy relationship between who we are as a person and what we do. Because of this connection, when we get feedback on our performance, we often hear criticism about ourselves.

I’m taking a course in which the teacher asked us how we feel about feedback. I said I love it, which I do, but he broke down this connection between person and performance in a way I’ve really never thought of before.

We had a homework assignment to pay attention to how we are receiving feedback. When someone gives us feedback about what we do, do we take it as positive or negative about what we did or about who we are.

I know that I receive feedback from others as mostly positive. Even when it’s a criticism, I appreciate the feedback because I know that I can use the feedback as a way to level up. But I discovered something interesting while I was looking for feedback from others to complete the assignment. I paid attention to the feedback I didn’t receive. The feedback I was giving myself.

My boyfriend, Larry and I had discussed hiring a housekeeper to do some deep cleaning around the house so that it would sparkle when we had family come over this weekend. Since the housekeeper was never hired, I assumed we weren’t going to invite anyone over. This was a faulty assumption since Saturday morning, Larry asked if I could help him clean the house before we had company.

As the time approached for our guests to arrive, I realized there was no chance of getting finished in time. I began to imagine the things our guests would think about the state of the house and what they would think about me as a housekeeper.

The potential negative judgment I could have received was enough for me to call it off. If people were going to judge me for being a bad housekeeper, I was going to take my ball and go home.

It wasn’t until we dissected the homework assignment in my class a few days later that I realized what I’d done. I put words into other people’s minds about the state of my home, and took their non-existent feedback as not only being a bad housekeeper but I made it mean I was a bad girlfriend, a bad mom and a bad person.

I learned several things about myself from this experience.

I learned that I project my negative opinions of myself on to other people. I learned that if I think other people are going to think badly of me, I’m quit before they have a chance. And I learned I need a better system for keeping up with the house cleaning (and I started my new system last night)!

Finding a good support system for things you’re struggling with is a critical part to your growth.  If you’re looking for a community of moms who are also looking to eliminate guilt from their lives and parent from a place of gratitude and love, join my Facebook group here. I am passionate about helping busy moms determined to enjoy every day, love on their kids more and feel freedom in their life. Don’t settle for the status quo; you deserve so much more.

Until next time,

Alysia
Mom Support Coach