“Our language is a window to our beliefs, positive and negative." - Alysia Lyons
On my podcast, there are only a few questions I ask each of my guests. One of those questions is what advice do you want to give to moms?
I recorded an episode recently (to be released Jan 26, 2023) with guest Dr. Jane Tornatore and her advice was to remove the words “should, need to, have to, and must” from your vocabulary.
I am somewhat familiar with the power of using the word should because in my coaching community, we talk about “Where there is a ‘should’ there’s a shame.”
But Dr. Jane took it to another level for me. She asked me to tell her something I “should” do and without hesitation I responded, “I should do the laundry.” After I said these words, Dr. Jane asked me to close my eyes and tell her how that sentence made me feel.
“Guilty.” An emotion I know very well.
“And where does that feeling show up in your body?” she asked.
“In my chest.” Many of my emotions show up in my throat or in my chest when I take the time to feel where they are.
“Now I want you to take the ‘should’ out of your sentence. Try saying ‘It would be a good idea if I did the laundry.”
So, I did, and the guilt disappeared.
The most fascinating thing to me about this experience was that I haven’t been neglecting the laundry. I have intentionally changed what time of day I do it because I know that I have the most energy and the best thinking power early in the mornings but that was when I was doing the laundry.
I’ve made a conscious shift to do the laundry when my mind is tapped out of thinking, and I can veg out in front of the TV while I fold the laundry. But despite that fact, using the word “should” still produced a guilty feeling that I hadn’t already done the laundry.
Language is so powerful. It’s more powerful than we realize.
Since talking with Dr. Jane, I’ve caught myself using “should” a lot more than I have ever noticed in the past. On the podcast, she said that I would start noticing my language more as we’ve had this conversation.
It’s important that if this is something you struggle with that you give yourself grace while learning to notice and change your language. We speak very unconsciously, and our language is a window to our beliefs, positive and negative.
Finding a good support system for things you’re struggling with is a critical part to your growth. If you’re looking for a community of moms who are also looking to eliminate guilt from their lives and parent from a place of gratitude and love, join my Facebook group here. I am passionate about helping driven moms determined to enjoy every day, love on their kids more and feel freedom in their life. Don’t settle for the status quo; you deserve so much more
Until next time,
Mom Support Coach
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