“Go to hell!” Judith Kane screamed, slamming the door behind her, shuddering as the bang echoed in her ears. It was no secret that she and her husband had ‘marital problems,’ but it was embarrassing to know the neighbors heard every hurtful word.  Even after ten years of marriage, the arguing continued almost daily.

Some said the first year of marriage was the hardest.  Others said two.  After that, making it to five was lucky, if not impossible.  She had stopped listening to those people.  After ten long, difficult years, it was only getting worse. 

They fought about everything.  What to make for dinner (it had to be on the table by 6:00 or else!), who’s turn it was to do the laundry (it was never his turn), who left the coffee pot on (how hard is it to remember the little orange switch?), where they would spend the holidays (he hated her mother), and more often than anything, they fought about money. 

Of all things to fight about, money made no sense.  Neither of them needed to work.  Her father-in-law was the owner of a successful investment firm and the day his son was born, there had been enough money to pay for his college.  When her father-in-law retired, her husband took over and eventually tripled the business.  She didn’t have to work, but it gave her something to do.  It got her out of the house and that’s where she wanted to be.  Yet even with her own income, he still told her when, where, and how her own money was to be spent.

Still standing in the hallway, her guilt over the noise they made gave way to her anger.  All the hurtful words ran through her mind; he could be so goddamned mean!  Everything was subject to his scrutiny: the way she dressed, the food she made, her place of employment, the friends she had, her family.  Nothing was sacred.  Nothing could be a reflection of herself.  It all had to mirror his image of perfection.

Her mind raced, pacing in front of the door.  Panic tore through her.  She had to get out of there, now.  She had to get away. Away from him, away from everything.  Another damn fight, one more criticism, would surely be the end.  Sometimes she just wished he would…

Leave her?  Disappear?  Die?  

The thought of him dead made her gasp out loud, but a smile crossed her lips at the idea.  She looked around the hall, relieved to find herself alone.  If she didn't get out of there now, she might go back and do something that she would regret for the rest of her life.

Judith looked at the door one last time, then headed towards the elevator.  He hadn’t bothered to come after her.  He never did.

Climbing into the empty elevator, thoughts of never returning danced in her mind.  Part of her wished she could do it.  She wanted to leave behind an entire lifetime.  All her things: collectibles, priceless heirlooms, Tiffany jewelry, everything, to start a new life.  One without retribution.

A new world, less stressful, was sometimes a dream she had.  Actualizing it was another, but it never stopped her from wanting.

First, she would need money, his money, of course.  Boy that would chap his hide.  Clean out the bank account before he knew what hit him.  Then, change her name.  Something exotic.  No more Plain Jane.  No more Mrs. Judith Kane.  A name people would never forget. 

The elevator chimed and her thoughts came crashing down to reality.  It was a short distance to the car, but she took her time getting there.  Not knowing where she was going was worse than having nowhere to go.  Fighting with her husband was the last thing Judith wanted to think about, but her mind gave her no rest.  In fact, it was fresh and upfront.  Tears streamed down her cheeks and she tasted the saltiness on her lips.

Where did it go wrong?  Pinpointing the exact moment seemed impossible, but her heart knew what caused the change.  She couldn’t have the children he desperately wanted.  A son to ‘rule the empire’ and carry on his name. 

It wasn’t that he stopped loving her once they learned she couldn’t become pregnant.  He refused to consider a divorce.  After a while, the hostility stopped, but would soon start up again, worse than ever.

The key turned in the ignition before she realized she’d reached the car.  It was time to make a decision on where to go.  The best thing she could do was stay away for a while.  They both needed time to cool off.

He hadn’t been the only one that had wanted children.  She always assumed one day she’d be a mother and longed for the day to arrive.  They had tried for nearly three years before finally seeking advice from a fertility doctor.  All hopes had been shattered in a single afternoon.  An adoption was not acceptable and was never to be discussed.

The news of her infertility had been so devastating and her husband had been so supportive…at first.  Then his mother got involved, as she always did.  She was always showing up, unannounced and ranting about “carrying on the family name” and how “it was his duty to have a son.”  Judith was convinced her mother-in-law thought she became sterile on purpose, just to spite her.

But having his mother on her back was nothing new.  From the moment they met, her very existence had been a nuisance.  How cliché!  A mother-in-law not happy with the wife her only son had chosen to marry.  It was worse than living in some cheesy novel.  More often than not, she’d longed to tell her mother-in-law what she really thought, but in an attempt to keep the peace, kept her mouth shut and remained cordial.

Police sirens broke through her thoughts and Judith checked her rearview mirror to see if they came from behind her.  It wasn’t her they were after; the police were on the opposite side of the street.  She breathed a small sigh of relief.  The last thing she needed now was a speeding ticket.  Was I speeding? Judith thought.  Nevertheless, she lifted her foot from the accelerator a little and continued on her way.

After another twenty minutes of driving, the thoughts of leaving for an exotic life still floated around her mind.  She had calmed down enough to realize it was time to go home and face the music.  The fight was over and they had both had time to cool down and collect their thoughts.  All that was left was making up.  Though she hated their arguments more than anything, the make-up sex was always so sweet, if not sincere.

A few days following one of their many fights always reminded her of their first few years of marriage.  They were so in love and hardly quarreled at all.  He’d do little things to surprise her; like making a special dinner, bringing home flowers, occasionally buying jewelry.  Judith desperately longed to go back to those days.  Her heart ached to feel needed and loved again.

As she pulled her car into the parking lot, a small sigh left her lips as she prepared to confront him once again.  Did he have enough time to cool off?  Perhaps it was time they sought marriage counseling to find out what was really wrong with their relationship.  If he would agree.

Reaching the apartment door, she found it odd that it was slightly ajar.  Didn’t I slam the door when I left? she wondered.  Entering cautiously, she glanced around the room.  Everything seemed normal until she took a step forward and saw a man standing in the living room.

“Who are you?” she asked, before noticing he was a policeman.

“Are you Mrs. Kane?” the officer asked bluntly, his eyes locked on her.

She nodded slowly as a lump grew in her throat.  Why was there a policeman in her home?  Where was her husband?  Why could she not find her voice?

Another officer grabbed her roughly by the arm and forced it behind her.  “Mrs. Judith Kane, you’re under arrest for the murder of your husband.”

“You stupid bitch!” a woman’s scream filled the room.  “How could you take my baby right in front of me?”

Judith looked up at her mother-in-law with nothing more than a blank stare as the officer began to read her her rights. 

What happened while I was out? 

She caught sight of her husband’s body lying on the floor, in a pool of drying blood, face down, a bullet in his back.  The fog of doubt and confusion lifted and she could hear herself scream, “Go to hell.”  Then the sound of a gunshot rang out before the weapon slipped from her hand and fell to the floor with a dull "thud".  Tears glistened on her face as she remembered squeezing the trigger. 

Judith looked up at the officer who had placed the cuffs on her, a tear falling from her eye.  “It was just another fight,” she whispered softly.